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Captain Terdy’s First Week

Partially Illustrated Edition


The Fully Illustrated Edition is available free from hollischester.blogspot.com


Hollis Chester


Copyright © 2017 Hollis Chester.

Smashwords (partially illustrated) Edition 2017


Note: This book contains explicit sex and is unsuitable for readers under 18 years of age. All characters depicted in this work of fiction are 18 years of age or older.


This edition does not contain illustrations of nudity or persons involved in sex acts.

The fully illustrated edition – not so much.


By the same author

Arousing Genes: Virginia and Bill have an Adventure

Seductive Robots: Virginia and Bunny’s Doll Adventure

Passionate Lairs: Virginia and Bunny’s Basement Adventure

Shameless Penetration: Virginia and Bunny’s Fourth Adventure

Virginia’s Adventures Omnibus Edition: Virginia’s First Four Adventures

Captain Terdy’s First Week: Fully Illustrated Edition


Captain Born Yes Terdy wasn’t born yesterday. No, she was vat-born this morning. She’s biologically twenty, has a goddess body, and the curated experience of three top-flight Space Command captains. Only, something in her education is missing. Find out what happens when our captain, who literally doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘sex’, is accidentally given the worst of the worst offenders for sexually inappropriate activity, instead of the best of the best starship crew. On a mission that, unknown to all, could decide the future survival of humanity, the stakes are higher than anyone has time to realize. Humorous illustrated erotic science fiction.


Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.


***


Day 1 AM

“Almost! Get in here,” yelled Admiral Forlorn.

A harassed looking Captain hurried in from the outer office.

“How are we going with these... things, Captain Almost?” the Admiral asked, waving at the pile of priority zero plus plus directives from Space Command HQ. He never could understand that. If priority zero was most urgent, and priority one was less urgent, surely priority zero plus plus was less urgent than priority zero. He guessed it was this sort of thinking that kept him in this god-forsaken sector. At least he wasn’t dirt-side.

“Well, I think they’re coming along pretty well sir. Almost there sir. Which do you want me to report on first?”

The Admiral picked up the top sheet and looked at it forlornly. “The program to eliminate reports of inappropriate sexual activity on space command ships. Good gods, Almost, how did we get here? Space command used to be all about handsome cadets and hot Ensigns in short dresses boldly going and all that.”

“Ah, right sir. Almost done on that one. I analyzed the reports sir. Turns out ninety percent of reports in our sector have been caused by a dozen or so individuals.” He handed over a list of names. “We just have to recall them all from active duty placements and put them somewhere where they can’t cause any reports. Almost done sir. Most of them are already back here on station. They’ve all received final warnings. Just need to work out their new assignments.”

The Admiral looked at the list and shook his head. “Is that tech officer on this list?”

“Computer Tech Tinfoil Hat? Yes sir.”

“Make sure he never gets near a computer again. Any computer, not just a ship’s computer.”

“Yes sir. Fascinating obsession. The ministry is very interested in him.”

“What? He has a fetish that makes him flood the ship’s library with porn?”

“Good heavens sir. You’re very perceptive. That’s almost exactly right.”

The Admiral face palmed, reliving the particular HQ inspection tour that had come unstuck.

“Very well,” he said putting the list aside and picking up the next directive. “How about the urgent scout mission to gamma quadrant. It says best crew, all speed, super urgent. What’s so urgent? Nothing good ever comes out of gamma quadrant.”

“Well, we don’t know sir. All HQ are going on is one message from a lone long range intelligence agent. Due to the distance he could only transmit a small message. His transmitter seems to have burned out mid transmission. Since then there’s been no contact.”

“What was the message?”

“HUGE THREAT. PRU...”

“Huge threat?”

“Yes sir. In capitals. HQ say he’s very reliable. They are asking us to send the cream of our corps on a high speed armed scouting mission.”

“Yes. And how are we going with that? I want this one done right. HQ are going to be watching this one.”

“Almost done sir. The new super speed Corvette, SCS Essex, is loaded and ready to go. I’ve got a great crew list worked out.” He handed over a list.

The Admiral looked at the list. “Excellent. But there’s no captain here. Who’s the captain?”

“Ah, sir, almost done on that one. Captain Terdy. She’s new.”

“New? I don’t want someone who was born yesterday.”

“Oh, no sir. She was born this morning.”

“This morning? She’s a Va Va Vroomzeon vat job?”

“Yes sir. Practically perfect in every way. Has the curated experience of three top-flight star ship captains. Perfect combination of personality, bold leadership, technical knowledge, tactical and strategic thinking. You know we’re not allowed to discriminate on biological or chronological age. Her resume is definitely the best available.”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure she’s perfect. That’s what unnerves me about them. Especially the women. Do they really have to make them that… perfect?”

“Oh, I know what you mean sir. She’s hotter than a jalapeno pepper. But she’s a Va Va Vroomzeon creation sir. You know how they make them prudish. They build it into every personality.”

“Yes, at least we won’t have to worry about reports of inappropriate sexual activity.”

“Indeed. She’s waiting outside sir, would you like to see her?”

“Oh. Right,” said the Admiral, sitting up straight and unconsciously straightening his hair. “Er, yes, yes, quite normal that I should meet the new captain. Show her right in.”

“Right sir.”

Captain Almost hurried out while the Admiral stood, puffed out his chest, and squared his shoulders. He gave a couple of experimental “hurrumphs” to get his commanding voice in tune.

Captain Terdy walked in like a goddess in uniform. “Admiral!” she threw a perfect salute. Captain Born Yes Terdy reporting for duty, sir!”

The Admiral took her in. Space command, through long tradition, had two women’s uniforms. Tight full suits or tight short dresses - for flexibility. She’d gone for the increasingly rare short tunic. Unheard of for a Va Va. Holy Hottening, he thought, why did they have to be so perfect. Her face was angelic. No man could look at that face and not fall in love. Beautiful high cheekbones, soft kissable lips, casual framing cascades of blond hair. Perfect full breasts, perfect high slim waist, perfect flaring hips and ass. Legs, well, the Admiral had a thing about legs. He’d never seen a Va Va girl in a short skirt. He swallowed. Oh god, he thought, so smooth, so long. He wrenched his eyes all the way back up.

“Good day Captain Terdy. Have you been briefed on your mission?”

“Yes sir. I’m very keen to get moving sir, I appreciate the urgency of the situation. I’m sorry I couldn’t have been born yesterday sir.”

“Oh, well, never mind that. Ah, so is everything, ah, ready?”

“I just need my crew list sir.”

“Oh, right well, let me present that to you right now.” The Admiral felt chuffed and commanding as he plucked the list from his desk and walked round to give it to her. Shaking with one hand and passing with the other. “Best of the best here Captain. I’m sure they’ll do you proud.”

She looked him straight in the eye, “I’m sure they will, sir.”

“Excellent, excellent. Ah, would you like a hand gathering your crew? Important mission, I could afford some time to help.”

“That’s very generous of you sir, but I will be fine. I remember this station and its procedures quite well.”

“You do?”

“Yes sir.”

“Well, excellent, excellent,” chortled the Admiral. “Ha, and we won’t have any of that nonsense inappropriate sexual activity on your ship, will we?”

“I’m sorry sir,” she replied. “I don’t know the meaning of the word.”

Captain Almost and the Admiral laughed.

***

Indeed, Captain Terdy did not know the meaning of the word. Much later, when the small memory pill colloquially known as “the birds and the bees” was found in a dark corner under a bench in the corner of the vat room, it became apparent just how small an event can separate the destruction of the human race from its lack of destruction.

However, that was later. Earlier that morning, minutes before her birth, two heavily cowled Va Va Vroomzeons stood in the dark shadowy hall of unknowable technology before the green glowing glass tube in which the most perfect naked female body floated.

“Is her mind ready?” said the first solemnly in a deep male voice.

“Yes,” said the second, also male. “It is ready.” He held out a slim rod, no more than a glass straw, in which sat more than fifty small beads of every color. “A perfect Space Command captain. A personality and memory set curated and distilled from the best, by the best. It is ready.”

“Then proceed,” said the first.

The second opened a small port in the side of the vat and gently inclined the glass straw into it.

“She really does have the most perfect breasts you know,” said the first casually.

“Eh?” said the second looking up. “Yes, a wonderful pair. Perfect.”

It was at that moment that it happened. His hand jiggled and a small blue bead jumped the chute, fell to the soft rubber flange round the vat, and shot quietly across the floor. The second returned his concentration to the job at hand.

***

Back in the twenty-second century, the universal health system had reduced long term costs by insisting even cosmetic procedures be germ-line. The result was referred to by social anthropologists as The Great Cosmetic Shift. Body hair, sagging breasts, beer bellies and double chins were relegated to history just in time for humanity’s diaspora to the stars. The rest of the human race called it The Hottening.

Psych Officer Doctor Luscious checked her hair one more time and adjusted her blouse. The blinds were half closed, even though they were fake and just looked out on a faux panorama here on station. The lights were dimmed, the couch positioned just-so.

The memory of the Ensign’s last session, all of six months ago, was still fresh in her mind. She rationalized to herself that she didn’t have any explicit intention of letting it happen again. She was just making the situation comfortable for Ensign De’Lusional. There was a soft knock on the door. Soft like a lover’s kiss.

“Come,” she said.

Ensign Casanova De’Lusional was not handsome in a way that would raise alarm. He was just ordinarily handsome. He didn’t have a head turning body, he just had an excellent body. What he did have was natural grace, an easy manner, and a single-minded love of women.

“Good morning Dr. Luscious. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” He walked to the couch and sat on the edge nearest her chair, as if hardly noticing his surroundings. He took her in with all the attention of a man in love. “It’s good to see you again.”

Her heart was beating faster. She steeled herself to be professional. “Casanova, if you wouldn’t mind, could you lie down for me? There are some things we need to discuss.”

“Of course,” he swiveled, gracefully, and lay peacefully looking at the ceiling.

“Thank you.” She looked at her notes, more to keep her composure than anything. “Well, I’m afraid the last six months haven’t been any better than the previous. Tell me, by your count, and strictly confidentially, how many has it been?”

He turned to look at her. “None of them count… except you. So, one.”

She rolled her eyes, “Casanova, I’m your psych officer. Tell me how many.”

He sighed, “I don’t know, twenty-five, thirty. Is it important?”

“No, I’m just wondering what the ratio of grief stricken women who end up crying to their senior officer is. Ten to one, by the way. But three reports is too many for you. I think one more and you’re going to get grounded.”

He sat up with a start, “Grounded!” He swung his legs to floor. “They can’t! I like being an officer. I like being in space.”

“Yes, well, they’re going to do it if you can’t keep your dick in your pants.”

He looked sad. “But, but, I’m just like any guy. Sure I like girls. Who doesn’t?”

“That’s the problem. I’ve consulted my colleagues. We’ve checked your brain scans, we’ve interviewed your… friends. The problem is, there is nothing wrong with you. You just love women and they fall for you.”

“No doc. I love the... navy?”

“No Casanova, you can’t be a good officer when you spend your entire time chasing skirts.”

He put his head in his hands. “What am I going to do? All the hot chicks are on ships.”

He looked up with a start, “Except you doc. I’d be prepared to have a station assignment if I could stay with you.”

She stood up and sat beside him, holding a VR helmet. “Casanova, I have something for you.”

He took her hand. It wasn’t what she had intended, but she let him hold it while she continued. “You mustn’t tell anybody I’ve given you this. It’s something that might help you.”

“How?”

She watched him watch her eyes. He smelled so good. “It’s a diversion therapy device. We’re only supposed to give them out as a last resort, and certainly not to someone who has no psychoses. But that’s the problem isn’t it? You’re not sick, so I think this is your only chance of staying in space.”

“Um. Ok. How does it work?”

“Its very simple. It looks like any deep brain VR set. You put it on when you go to bed. It has a hundred percent realistic complete starship social environment which is partially driven by your thoughts. The only difference from reality is that, well… you won’t face real consequences from romantic adventures. When you want the session to end, you put on the virtual version of this and you will wake up in the real world. Hopefully the diversion will let you get through the day.”

Casanova looked at it suspiciously. “So, it’s like masturbating? That’s never been my thing.”

“No, don’t think of it like that. It’s the whole experience. The romance, the wooing, the consummation, and the heartfelt goodbyes. All while doing your job.”

“Well, ok. I’ll give it a go.”

“Would you like to try it now?”

He looked her in the eye. She was drowning. She could feel her pussy.

“I don’t know,” he said in a whisper. “Would it feel like this?” He slid in a warm hand to cup her breasts. Just a little heft and gentle massage.

“Um,” she mumbled as she felt her nipples harden against his palm. “It’s... It’s very... realistic.”

“Will it feel this real to me?” He kissed her, just gently, then they both came together for more. Tongues emerged and fought. His hand moved firmly over her breasts, popping clasps.

“Oh god,” she said when they came up for air. “Take me!” She wrenched her blouse open and pulled his head down to her heaving breasts

He kissed one while he felt the beautiful swell of the other. Dr Luscious wasn’t waiting. She was pulling his shirt up, trying to get it off over his head. She needed to feel his hard body, needed to have it ravish her. Up it came, she yanked and pulled it off. His hot athletic body was before her.

“Wow doc,” he said, “I really love you. You’re the best shrink I know.”

She put her hands on his chest and ran them down to his groin. She could feel his hard member. Yank, and it was out - smooth and hair-free.

“Just fuck me. We don’t have much time.” She pulled her skirt off and lifted her legs wide either side of his body. By a not so odd coincidence, she wasn’t wearing any pants.

“I hate to rush doc, but if you say so.”

She took his cock in one hand and massaged the head into her tingling pussy. The shaft was velvety dry in her hand. Where they joined, slick and exciting.

This was one aspect of Ensign De’Lusional that was special. Dr Luscious thought of it as conveniently large. Now the flared dome pushed wetly past her red lips and was rammed deep home by the long thick shaft behind it.

“Ogh god yes”, moaned the doctor as she pulled him in. “Hard Casanova, hard and fast.” She was quivering and pulling him down on her.

Casanova worked his stiff rod deep into her with solid strokes, getting faster as he felt her need grow. They joined together in wet tongue filled kisses as Luscious squirmed under him.

“Yes Casanova! Hard! I’ going too… orrrrrgh…” she came in eye rolling, toe curling ecstasy. Her pussy was a flaming ball of sexual release.

Casanova pounded away. Nothing better, he marveled, than a woman coming, and he was only just getting started. His cock felt wonderful in her. Deep and hard in her wet softness. He loved the way she pulled him in with her shapely legs wrapped round him.

Dr Luscious was ignited by the wrongness of this. She was a professional. She was here to soothe the psychoses of her patients, not to have spontaneous sex with them. It was driving her wild. Complete abandonment of her principles, all inhibition off.

“Oh shit Casanova. Fuck my brains out you machine. Suck my tits. Suck my tits,” she said as she pushed them up to him.

Casanova bent to her beautiful breasts and sucked a nipple deep into his mouth, then gripped it tightly with his lips and pulled hard. That made her moan and roll, so he did it to the other one, pulling it taut.

“Oh! Fuck yes!” she moaned. “Harder! I’m coming!”

He pulled on the first nipple again, as hard as he could, sucking and gripping with his lips, pulling it up in a distended peak.

“Orrrgh…” came the introduction to her orgasm. Her eyes rolled up, her legs shook, muscles clenched. Her chest flushed red as the pink rivers of delight flooded through her body. It went on for almost a minute while he plunged his cock in and out of her passage.

Eventually she went slack and her eyes fluttered.

Casanova slowed and enjoyed himself giving her gentle thrusts as she languished. Then she opened her eyes fully and looked at him.

“Do my fantasy for me,” she said suddenly.

“What’s your fantasy?”

She started wriggling out from under him, “Lie on the couch you sick bastard.”

She got up while Casanova lay down, his hard erection projecting over his equally hard stomach. Dr Luscious sat in her big authoritarian consulting chair.

“Right,” she said firmly, “I’ve had enough of your sniveling talk. I’ve got a magic pussy.” She spread her legs and pointed to it firmly. “Lick it and you’ll be cured. No more talk.”

“Yes Doctor,” said Casanova, sliding off the couch and kneeling between her legs. He gripped her legs and viciously attacked her clit with his tongue.

Dr Luscious spasmed and grabbed the chair with clawed hands. Her head turned to the side and her eyes closed. “Yes, that’s it. Lick the magic juice from my pussy. Lick it. Lick it.” Her fantasy had minor variations, but generally involved coming in her patients face to cure them. While they were licking her, they couldn’t talk. She got so tired of hearing their problems, sometimes she just wanted them to shut up and be better. But mostly she wanted them to lick her into orgasm.

“Oh, yes, that’s right you fucking psychosis nest. Do it. Get the cure.”

Sometimes she imagined she became famous for her curative abilities, and doctors would come from far around to lick her pussy for themselves.

Casanova gently insinuated a few fingers into her vagina and massaged her g-spot.

“Yes! That’s it! Oh! You’re going to get so cured! Ah!” She was close. Panting as she tensely squeezed out her words.

Casanova went hard, trilling her clit and plunging his fingers.

“Fuck! Yes! Here comes your cure! Get it!” She came intensely with floods of moist emanations that Casanova eagerly lapped.

“Ogh,” she said weakly as she subsided, “you’re cured.”

Casanova stood up. “Great doctor, I feel better already. May I fuck your face?”

Casanova had a keen sense of a woman’s limits. She opened her mouth and beckoned him with a finger. He got up on the chair and unceremoniously thrust the head of his firm cock deep into her mouth.

“Hmmm!” she exclaimed as her eyes went wide. She grabbed his hips and helped him ram his cock into her mouth, banging her head against the high backed chair. “Hmmm! Mmm!”

He could feel her tongue writhing around his cock and her suction as he pulled out. He didn’t last long, and came with eruptions of cum blasting up from his balls. She took it all, swallowing and sucking to the last.

Casanova staggered back and sat on the edge of the couch. They both panted heavily while they got their breath back. Dr Luscious rested, slumped with wide open legs. Eventually Casanova put away his dick and pulled his top back on.

“Don’t you have to get cleaned up, beautiful?” he asked.

“I booked you for an hour slot. Here,” she got up. “Lie down and try the diversion therapy.”

He lay on the couch and she snuggled up to him in open blouse dishevelment. No sooner had she put the unit over his eyes, than his communicator buzzed in urgent alarm. He pulled it off his face. “Hold on. I’d better answer this, darling.”

“Casanova,” he said tapping the comms badge.

The response came in the crisp voice of the station computer with its annoying pauses. “Ensign ... Casanova De’Lusional ... you are ... required to attend ... SCS Essex ... as ... Ensign ... effective ... immediately. Departure is at ... imminent.”

“Holy Hottening!” He jumped up. “Looks like I’d better be off, honey.”

“Take it with you. Put it on tonight.”

“Check doc.” He gave her a tender kiss. “Thanks for everything.” Then he was gone, running out the door.


Day 1 PM

A lieutenant in ship fatigues was waiting for him in the hatch. He’d run to his temporary digs, cleaned up in lightening time, then run all the way here. He was panting. De’Lusional stopped and threw his best salute. “Ensign De’Lusional reporting sir.”

“Rec room. On the double. You’re the last.”

They walked quickly. The rec room was only just sufficient to hold the two rows of personnel standing at ease. They each joined the end of a row, the lieutenant in front. Only ten crew with the captain out the front. Casanova did a double take. Holy shit, he thought to himself, a female Va Va in a short uniform. He went all soft inside at the sight of such untouchable delights.

Captain Terdy surveyed her new crew. Matching their mugshots to their faces. “Good afternoon,” she began, “I am Captain Terdy. I will be your commander, and this will be your ship for the foreseeable future. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, but I wasn’t born yesterday.” She fixed them with a piercing gaze. Many of them quailed at that gaze. Knowing what their personnel files must say. “No,” continued the captain, “I’m afraid there is nothing I could have done about that. I was only born this morning. As a result we must move with studied haste.” She nodded to the lieutenant. “Lieutenant Ramrod Straight, come and stand by me,” she pointed to a spot on the floor to her left. “Lieutenant Ramrod will be your second in command. You will treat his orders as mine.”

She moved to stand in front of the next in line. An attractive but nervous looking man in his thirties. “Computer Tech Tinfoil Hat.”

“Yes ma’am!”

“You will man the ship’s computer station, which on this vessel is located on the bridge. You have total responsibility for the computer’s programming and operation. Make me proud.”

A small shiver of relief went through Tinfoil. He hadn’t been allowed unsupervised access to a computer for a month. He was down to one copy of the precious catalog. Hidden in a piece of gum in his left cheek.

Next, was a hard man whose tight uniform looked ready to burst off his arms. “Gunner Solid Schlong,” she turned to his neighbor, an attractive and equally fit looking woman with a pony tail, “Gunner Perky Pussy,”

“Yes ma’am!” came their chorus in unison. “Your stations are front and rear. Be ready.”

“Doctor Prominent Bust”,

“Yes ma’am!” For some of the crew, Dr Prominent’s reputation preceded her. By quite a margin. Her figure was spectacular, and her bosom was unmissable. Her bra seemed to come from another age that said “look at me! I will not be suppressed!”

“Welcome aboard doctor. I remember your name in some context, but…” Captain Terdy put her head to the side as if trying to dislodge some memory. The rest of the crew were on tenterhooks. The good doctor’s examination room proclivities were the talk of the lower decks. Men tended to have lot of minor unspecified ailments on her watch. Dr Prominent herself stood there with equanimity. Captain Terdy straightened up. “No. I can’t place it. I leave the crew’s medical care in your hands. If there are no emergencies, you may join us on the bridge for departure.”

“Science Officer Notionally Innocent,” said the captain as she moved to the second line.

“Yes ma’am,” came the wide-eyed fawn look from the small delicate blond. She seemed in awe of the imposing beauty before her.

“Wonderful to have you aboard. Science is the foundation of our civilization. Security Officer Sweetass Svelte.”

“Yes ma’am!” said the slim woman. Her glossy one-piece uniform, while still having all the requisite attributes and colors, was practically painted on. So tight and short it barely covered her delectable cheeks. She had the confident air of a ninja and the legs of a fantasy. Her long hair was pulled back severely and hung in a single rope-like strand down her back. A whip hung from a thin belt at her high waist in addition to the normal phaser.

“Is that really a standard issue uniform Sweetass?”

“No ma’am. I fabricate them specially. For greater combat flexibility ma’am.”

“Hmm. It looks very practical. I would like to try one.”

There was an indrawn breath from somewhere amongst the crew.

“Pleasure to have you aboard.” She moved on.

“Private Hardparts, Private Wunderlick.”

“Yes ma’am,” the young tawny haired man and freckled red-head girl said somewhat raggedly together.

“Wonderful to have you aboard. We’re a little short crewed this deployment. You’ll be sharing engine room and galley duty. Both damn important and we don’t have specialists on this trip. I have every confidence in you. Which brings us finally to Ensign Casanova De’Lusional.”

“Yes ma’am!” Casanova was going slowly mad. He couldn’t believe this crew. It was small. This was just a scout ship. But fully half the crew were beautiful women. Dr Prominent was a guaranteed home run. Sweetass - well, he was up for a little sparring. Her lesser known nom de guerre was Dominatrix. Then there was Captain Terdy. A Va Va in a short uniform. It wasn’t possible. Extreme eye candy. Then it hit him. He struck his palm to his forehead. “Of course!” He was using the diversion therapy. Wow, he thought. The doctor wasn’t wrong when she said it was realistic. It was indistinguishable from real life.

“I beg your pardon,” said the goddess captain, who now didn’t seem so out of reach.

“Oh, nothing ma’am. Just realizing we have a dream crew here.”

“Indeed,” said Captain Terdy with a slightly arched eyebrow. She addressed the crew at large. “We do. You are all the best of the best.”

There was a titter and a gasp.

“No, modest as you may be, Admiral Forlorn personally assured me of this. Which is why I know you will serve me well. In truth I’ll need your help catching up on current events. I don’t know if you’re aware of the limitation of the Va Va Vroomzeons’s vat process, but I have no memory of the last six months. I trust you to help me out. And now, I require you all to attend to your stations. We’ll start a short-form check in five minutes. Within half an hour, I want this ship launched into supra-light and going so fast not even a message torpedo will catch us. Dismissed.”

***

The launch went smoothly. Captain Terdy sat in the command chair while De’Lusional took them out and launched into supra-light.


After that she had the whole crew go through the long form checklist, listening to every station on the intercom, before telling them well done. She said the action items from the check could wait till tomorrow and dismissed everybody for the day. Computer Tech Tinfoil stayed at his station, but everybody knew computer techs were like that.

“Lieutenant Ramrod,” said Captain Terdy, “I’d like to see you in my cabin.”

***

Dr Prominent Bust had joined space command ten years ago, straight out of medical school. The thing she liked about space command, the thing that really kept her going, was that her entire clientele consisted of healthy young men and women. Healthy and fit young men away from home. Horny, healthy fit young men away from home. You just didn’t get that in civilian life. Every deployment was a new adventure. A new set of fit men in tight uniforms. Like the one before her now.

“Hello, Ensign…”
“Casanova, doctor. Casanova De’Lusional.”

He shook her hand rather than saluting. It felt very personal for some reason. Like they were sharing a secret. He wore a secret little smile to match.

“How can I help you Casanova?”

“Oh, I don’t think I need any medical attention right now doctor. I wanted to meet you doctor. Important for me to get to know everybody. Especially someone as beautiful as yourself.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you too Casanova. You know,” she said turning to her computer, “I think base has screwed up. I think I have a completely wrong set of medical files here… Yes. You’re not here.”

“Oh, really Doctor, that is interesting. So you don’t, ah, know anything about me?”

“No. I’m afraid not. I’ll have to rely on you, and my own eyes.” She gave him an appraising study. “In fact, seeing as I don’t have your file, I really think I should give you a complete physical checkover. That is, if you have the time to get naked for me...”

***

Lieutenant Ramrod Straight stood while Captain Terdy sat behind her desk and worked her computer. He’d never served with a Va Va. Now he was reporting to one. She was heart wrenchingly gorgeous. Every time he looked at her his brain stopped and he just wanted to watch her every expression, the perfection of her skin, the curves of her body. Every time he looked he felt himself fall more deeply in love. He just let it happen, he didn’t care, because it was never going to actually happen. He’d never ever heard of anyone getting to so much as first base with a Va Va. As far as he was concerned she was a work of art, which he guessed she was in a way. An amazing piece of functional art. He wasn’t normally one to put women on a pedestal, but this one totally belonged there.

“Now, I have another problem Lieutenant,” she looked up, “can I call you Ramrod when we’re in private?”

“Oh, yes, of course.”

“Hmm. Yes is actually my middle name, but I think I like it. You may call me Yes when we’re alone.”

“Yes, Yes, er, ma’am, eh Yes.” Ramrod blinked in confusion.

“Now, my problem is that station seems to have made an awful mistake. I have completely the wrong set of personnel files. Not one of the dozen files they’ve loaded are for any of the crew. I don’t even have yours.”

“Oh. That is a problem. Well… if we stop we can divert power to the Ka’Krill comms system. We’re still close, we could probably get at least part of the files transmitted in a day or so.”

“No. I don’t want to do that. The mission requires all speed. We’ll just have to make do.”

“Oh! Doctor Prominent will have medical files ma’am, er, Yes. They may help provide some information.”

“Excellent point Ramrod. I’ll speak to the Doctor. Now, that will be all for today. Dismissed.”

***

“Hmm, you have nice hands Doctor. Do you give massages?” Casanova was lying not-quite naked on the examination table while Dr Prominent took her time checking him over. She had a much more hands-on approach than other fleet doctors. Holding her medical scanner in her left while her right hand felt and kneaded his warm flesh. Feeling his muscles with splayed fingers as she moved steadily towards his silk briefs.

“Oh, I certainly do Casanova. I’ve been told I’m quite good at it. How about you? Do you like to feel hot oiled skin sliding under your hands?”

“Only if it’s a beautiful woman like yourself doctor. Then I’m all in.”

“Well, that sounds like an offer I can’t refuse. Now, let’s see what we have in here shall we?” With that she took hold of either side of his silk briefs and pulled them all the way down and off. She surveyed the scene and raised her eyebrows. “Oh my, Casanova. I know it’s very unprofessional of me to comment on a man’s cock, but that really is a lovely specimen.” She took it in her hand and the already partially inflated member grew rapidly. “Does it get a lot of action?”

Casanova admired her breasts as she began stroking him. “Whenever it can Doctor, whenever it can.”

“Hmm.” She played with his balls, then returned to teasing strokes of his now very hard cock. “I think I might have something for this.” She turned and opened a supply cupboard, withdrawing a bottle labeled MASSAGE OIL. “Let’s see how this feels shall we?”

She rubbed some over her hands and gently took hold of his inflamed cock, working her fingers over the sensitive head and squeezing her way down the shaft.

“Oh gods, you do have nice hands doctor.” Casanova lay and luxuriated in the feel of this hot doctor giving his hard cock the most wonderful hand job. He put his head to the side and checked out her legs where they disappeared under her short uniform. They were smooth and inviting.

She smiled lecherously at him. “I’m glad you like them. This will just be our little secret right?”

“Oh, absolutely doctor,” he gently put his hand round behind her and slid it up till he felt the curve of her ass. “Strictly between you and me.”

She gave her bum a little wiggle and shifted towards him, which Casanova took as an invitation to reach deep and slip his hand into her pants. He felt her moist warm pussy and gave her clit a gentle pinch.

“Oooh!” she exclaimed and then looked round at him with sultry eyes and sensuously parted lips. “I can see we’re going to have a lot of fun on this voyage, Ensign De’Lusional.”

***

Captain Terdy was not trying to be stealthy, but all the same, Doctor Prominent and her patient didn’t notice the silent slide of the door to the small scout ship’s sick bay. Why Space Command ships had such open sick bays was a mystery to everyone. Just a few medical couches in a room. Or in the case of this small ship, just one.

She paused slightly in confusion. Dr Prominent was clearly giving Ensign De’Lusional a massage. She could tell by the bottle of massage oil beside her. But Captain Terdy found herself unable to remember the name of the… thing, the male bit, that the doctor was massaging. Ensign De’Lusional was clearly enjoying the experience. He lay there with a blissful expression. Captain Terdy had her own non-specific memory of how nice a good massage was. Like all her memories, they were there fully formed, but not specifically related to specific events she could remember, specifically. Right now she was having specific trouble with even the general concept of… the Ensign’s specific thing. It was definitely an expected part of a male. It belonged, but what was it again? She couldn’t recall the name. It was fascinating. Something about it spoke to her in a way she couldn’t understand. All of the Ensign’s body did. It was nice to look at. Perhaps they should have made her a doctor. Proceeding into the sick bay didn’t worry her. She was the Captain after all, and every aspect of the ship was her concern.

“Excuse me doctor,” she said as she walked in. “May I have a word?”

Dr Prominent jumped out of her skin. “Captain!” She went to salute, realized her hand was dripping in massage oil and Casanova’s slickness, and put it behind her back.

Casanova barked out an incoherent “Gah!” and sat up covering his hardon with his hands.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to startle you,” said the captain. “Please carry on. I don’t mean to disturb the Ensign’s massage.”

“Captain!” said the doctor, who’s brain was still catching up. “Um, I was just, um, checking, um, Ensign De’Lusional’s, ah, health, ah, yes, massage. Medical massage. Just checking his natural responses.”

“Yes doctor, of course, please carry on, I just have a quick question.”

“Carry on?”

Casanova came out of damage control and remembered that none of this was real. He lay back down and experimentally removed his hands, exposing his huge oiled cock. He watched the captain carefully, curious how she would react. She looked at it with a strange expression while she spoke, but didn’t react in any other way.

“Yes, please carry on. I just wanted to ask you if you have the correct medical files for the crew loaded into the sick bay terminal.”

Dr Prominent looked between the captain and Casanova’s throbbing cock wondering what strange universe she had wandered into where a Space Command captain, a Va Va at that, expected her to carry on giving a crew member a hand job. “Ah, actually, no Captain. I don’t. They’re all wrong.”

Casanova found he was enjoying this. Two stunning women standing either side of his naked body, looking at it and discussing business. Especially the way the captain was unwaveringly watching his cock while she spoke. It was keeping him hard. She was so hot.

“Hmm. Right,” replied the captain. “I have the same problem.”

“Oh, really ma’am?” spoke Casanova for the first time, smiling. “You mean you don’t know anything about what’s on our files?”

“No, I’m afraid I don’t Ensign De’Lusional. Terrible mistake by base.”

Casanova laughed a little. “Ha. Yeah, who would have thought.”

“Ah, hmm, so,” said the captain, suddenly hesitant, “I see you are giving Ensign De’Lusional a massage. Excellent way to end the day. I’m sure I like a good massage. I’m sure I know how to give one too. But, I’m just maybe a bit out of touch with this particular… this… bit.” She tapped his cock with a very feminine finger. “What do you call it? It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t quite place it.”

Dr Prominent stared at her in open mouth disbelief. She didn’t know how to respond. The silence stretched a bit. Casanova came to her rescue.

“Ah, it’s a penis captain. Or a cock.”

“A peeeniis,” she said slowly, testing the word. “Right.” She gripped it as Dr Prominent had and gave it a firm squeeze. “Hmm, it seems to have a real knot there. I can see why you need to work it hard, Doctor. How does that feel Ensign?” she asked giving it some firm but artless squeezes.

“Oh, very nice ma’am.”

“Right, well, best left to a professional I guess. Please continue, Doctor. Thank you.” With which she wiped her hand on a disposable wipe and left.

Dr Prominent looked like a stunned fish. “What just happened?”

Casanova thought for a bit and smiled. “I’d say our captain has some blank spots in her education.”

“But, but…” said the doctor.

“It’ll be fine doctor,” said Casanova putting her hand back on his cock. “It’ll all be fine. Although, maybe you should lock the door.”

***

The remainder of the crew sat in the mess where Private Hardparts had served them piles of seafood spaghetti. Gunner Perky was eying the lithe figure of Security Officer Sweetass, sizing up whether she could take her on in a fight.

“I hear you’re pretty hot stuff on the floor, Sweetass.”

Sweetass smiled at her. “Yeah. I can fight pretty well too.”

Gunner Solid Schlong laughed. “Well, I reckon I could lick you.”

Sweetass looked at his thickly muscled arms. “I’d enjoy that. I’d swallow you whole,” she lifted a large shrimp to her mouth with her fork and proceeded to put it all the way to the back of her throat, then swallowed it without breaking eye contact. The table went quiet for a moment.

“Ooh, let me know when you two are ready. I want to watch,” said Perky.

“Jesus,” said Private Wunderlick, the freckled redhead. “Didn’t you lot get the memo? No more hanky panky in the spanky it said, or something like that. I’m on my last warning, and I don’t want trouble.”

“Really?” said Private Hardparts beside her. “Snap. Me too.” He held up his hand and they high-fived.

“Hey, me too,” said Gunner Solid.

“Well I’ll be fucked,” said Perky, “is anybody not on their last warning?”

Sweetass pursed her lips, “hmm.”

They all turned to the delicate little science officer, Notionally Innocent. She looked down and blushed.

“Notionally,” said Perky, “you’re either a virgin, or you’re on your last warning.”

“Well,” she said softly, “something like that.”

Gunner Perky struck her hand to her forehead. “Shit, you know what this is? It’s a setup. We’ve got a Va Va for a captain.”

“Oh god,” said Private Wunderlick. “You’re right. ‘practically prudish in every way,’” she said in the usual mocking version of the ‘practically perfect in every way,’ the Va Va Vroomzeons promoted.

“Captain!” snapped Sweetass, throwing a salute in warning to the table.

“At ease all,” said the Captain as she sat at the head of the table. “Hmm, this smells good. Are those scallops? I haven’t eaten since - er, I mean ever.”

Private Hardparts began serving her piles of spaghetti.

“Ah, thank you Private Hardparts. You might want to save some of that for later. Ensign Casanova has a hard penis and Dr Prominent is massaging it. They might be a while.”

Hardparts froze in the middle of placing the bowl in front of her. The whole table froze. Apart from the captain who picked out a scallop and ate it with a blissful look.

“Ah, I beg your pardon ma’am?”

The captain looked at him. “Dr Prominent is massaging Ensign De’Lusional’s hard penis. His, ah, cock. They might be a while, but I’m sure they’d love some of this delicious food when they are done.”

“Right ma’am. I’ll, um, I’ll be sure to reserve some.”

“Yes, thank you.”

She took a forkful. The rest of the table watched her silently. She looked like the sort of commercial for pasta sauce that had women’s groups complaining about unrealistic portrayal and overly sexualised advertising. Presently the stunned expressions gave way to wary sideways glances, each wondering if everybody else had heard the same thing they thought they’d heard.

“So, ah,” began Private Wunderlick after a few minutes. “Nice weather we’ve been having?”

***

In the sick bay, things were progressing. Dr Prominent had got over her squeamishness from the captain’s visit. Her ardent desire to feel this hard cock in her had left her pants on the floor and herself straddling Casanova’s hips. Soft squelching sounds emanated from her pussy as she slid slowly up and down his shaft. She’d already come once from rapid piledriving motions. Now she was having a slow session.

Casanova was only just starting. Her vagina was magical. Her body, despite still being covered by her uniform, equally so. He ran his hands yet again over her curves feeling her huge outthrust breasts and her slim waist. “You’re amazing doc. Do you fuck all your patients?”

“Only the hot ones, Casanova.”

She began to pick up the pace. Her passage was yearning for more hard action. She loved it so much. Casanova’s was great. A big hard well shaped cock. She worked it well and felt the thrill burn through her body. Leaning forward on his chest so she could really get some motion in her pelvis.

“Oh fuck yes.”

***

After dinner, Captain Terdy had a thought and returned to the sick bay. They door was sealed, so presumably the doctor had retired, but as Captain she could open anything. She opened the door in time to see Doctor Prominent arching her back and shuddering like she was having a seizure. But she was saying “yes yes, fuck yes,” which seemed a contraindication to seizure. She was sitting on Ensign De’Lusional. There was no-one on board called Fuck, and certainly no-one in the room.

“Doctor,” she asked as she came to stand beside her, concern and confusion on her face. “Are you alright?”

“Ah! Fuck! Captain!” she plumped down hard on Casanova. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. I’m fine Captain.”

Captain Terdy wasn’t so sure. The doctor was clearly exhausted. Her hair was ragged, she was flushed red and sweating. Ensign Casanova De’Lusional wasn’t much better. “Doctor, what are you doing?”

“Ah. What am I doing? … What am I doing?” She looked everywhere except at the captain, wide eyed and trying to think of something to say. Her mouth opened and closed a few times.

“She’s giving me a special message Captain,” chimed in Casanova with a smile. This was fun. Whoever programmed the Captain character was a genius.

“Really? Is it still your penis that’s the problem?” The captain bent down and lifted the doctor’s short uniform, exposing her inflamed pussy.

“Ah, yes Captain,” replied Casanova. “I’m afraid so. Sometimes it really needs a lot of work. But Dr Prominent is doing a great job. I think it won’t be long now and I’ll feel some relief.”

“Where is it?”

“Ah, where is what Captain?” he asked.

“Your penis thing.”

“Oh, it’s in her vagina Captain. Best place for a good penis massage, although sometimes an oral massage works too.”

“Her what?”

“Her vagina. That’s the special place women have for giving penis massages Captain.”

“It is? I don’t remember anything about this.” The Captain probed the doctor’s soft folds, feeling where De’Lusional’s cock disappeared.

The doctor shuddered and squirmed as she touched her clit. “Oh, I’m sorry doctor. Does that hurt?”

“No, no, it’s just, a bit sensitive.”

The captain straightened and pulled up her uniform’s skirt, exposing her pants. She put her hand down the front and felt around. “Oh! You’re right, there it is. Strange how I don’t remember about this.”

“Oh, well,” said Dr Prominent, finally getting her brain in gear, “it’s, um, possibly not something they thought a starship captain needed to know about.”

“Hmm. I guess you must be right.” She still had her hand down her pants, it was moving round, feeling. Strange pleasurable sensations were emanating from her… vagina? “Hmm. That feels kind of nice doesn’t it. When you massage it.”

“Um, yes, it, um, can,” said Dr Prominent.

“Sometimes women need a vagina massage too, Captain. Quite common actually. A man can use his penis to give a really good one.”

“Really?” She was still gently rubbing. “Is this a new thing? Is that why I’m not familiar with the term?”

“Ah, not really Captain,” said Dr Prominent. “It’s been around for a while.”

“Hmm. Now, doctor, you look exhausted. I think you should take a break. I’ll take over for a while while you rest. I’m sure I can manage a bit of massage with your direction.”

“Oh, Captain, um, that really isn’t necessary. Ah, um, I’m sure if you just leave us to it Ensign De’Lusional will feel some relief quite soon.”

“No Doctor. I appreciate your dedication, but I don’t want to see you collapse from exhaustion. Off you get and I’ll see how this vagina massage works.”

“Really Captain…”

“That’s an order Doctor.”

“Yes ma’am.”

She gently lifted herself off De’Lusional’s huge cock. It flicked out and she shuddered as it brushed her clit. She climbed down on rubber legs and held herself up against a bench.

The Captain looked at her and shook her head. “Good heavens Doctor, and you claim you don’t need a break. Now, do I take my pants off?”

“Yes,” said De’Lusional. “Actually you can take everything off.”

“Ah!” interjected the doctor giving him a hard stare. “That won’t be necessary De’Lusional.”

“Sorry Doctor. Just trying to be helpful.”

By this time the Captain was climbing onto the medical station. “Right, so how do I do this Doctor? Is there a special technique?”

Doctor Prominent staggered over to the pair. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. The Captain probably just had some temporary amnesia. Once her memories kicked in there would be hell to pay. Casanova seemed to think it was all a big joke. He was clearly thinking with his dick. She took his cock in her hand and forced it vertical. “Ok Captain, just lift yourself high… higher… Ok, now I’m going to rub this a little…”

“Oooh!” said the Captain. “That’s… interesting.”

Casanova’s cock was still slippery. “Ok Captain, I want you to lower yourself very slowly. Just till you feel it start to go in. It can be a bit difficult the first time.”

“Right. Ok, I can feel it. Ooh.”

“Ok, now I’m going to move it a bit more. How does that feel?”


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